This week is one of those that I get to choose what I want to focus on. Do I want to:
- Focus on the amazing gift of my boys and relish in the small milestone of their successfully completing another year in school or…
- Focus on the logistics of graduation presentation after work, coordinating dinner with the family, last-minute teacher gifts sneaking up on me AGAIN, the camera’s battery dieing 20 minutes before the start, registering for summer programs and were the hell did I put those damn shot records again… oh and Fab!Hubby’s last minute, “Sorry honey I have to go to Louisiana for a work emergency and can’t be at the graduation.”
Yes, I get to choose.
In these moments when I stand at the cross roads of deciding where do I want to put my focus, I always think of the old tombstone story – do I want mine to say “How I wish I had worked more.” In this case – in 20, 40, 60 years do I want to remember how overwhelmed and behind the 8 ball I felt the last week of school for the boys or I do I want to remember how I honored I felt to be their Mom. I want to engrave into my mind the picture of Z-Man is his miniature cap and gown trying not to crack up as he walked down the aisle to the stage. I want to remember taking the time this morning to look each of them in the eye and tell them I am so proud of them. I want to remember the look on their face when they knew I really pushed pause on time and saw them, acknowledged them, honored them and loved them. Time will stand still if I ask it to, if I claim the moment… time will expand and we will end up exactly where we were meant to be – when we were meant to be there.
This year’s end of school program at Z-Man’s preschool is particularly bitter sweet. St. Micheal’s is a parish school of Hope Episcopal Church in Oak Forest and it has been helping children grow for 55 years. The school administrator as truly been there the entire time… some of the teachers have been there for 30+ years. This little place – this oasis from the world – has held Z-Man in its arms while the teachers and staff have guided my children, first AK, then Z-Man for the last 4 years. Z-Man was just toddling in the door when we started and last night he glided down the aisle as truly a big accomplished boy.
And so we move forward as a family with all our children in school – real school – K thru 12 school. And while I am REALLY looking forward to the reduction in our monthly day-care bill… I am also very aware that we now have no more “babies” at home.
I choose to be present to the moment this week.
The logistics will sort themselves out because I claim, trust and affirm they will. I chose to focus on smiles of pride, big hugs, teary eyes, and true life milestones. I will breath in each moment and anchor it in my mind… everything else will just float by.