Gwen Bells #best09 cont… December 9 Challenge. Something that really made you grow this year. That made you go to your edge and then some. What made it the best challenge of the year for you?
My biggest challenge this year was to stay present and positive while dealing with a deeply emotional occurrence.
At the end of 2008 I chose to end one of my most important, long standing and close relationships after this individual stole a significant amount of money from me and my family. The feelings of loss, anger and betrayal were at times overwhelming. I think in years past I would have let this one thing my rule my life. I would have disappeared into the anger and sadness… stayed locked in my head, fighting the demons of resentment… totally unavailable to my family. I feel so, so blessed to have Fab!Hubby as my partner – he helped me process the data – for me it was so unbelievable, I had to have his help to figure out if I had somehow missed the mark – was I the one who was wrong about the situation. He shared with me that in the more than 10 years that he has known me, he has never known me to ask for or take something that was not mine. I remember that moment so clearly. I remember the feeling of being loved and seen and known by a man I deeply respect and adore. I remember in the moment his love and friendship were bigger than the betrayal. And I decided in that moment I would not let this one very small bit of my life be my life.
I thank Wayne Dyer and Marianne Williamson and Louise Hay and SARK and Deepak Chopra and Bill & Louis W. and Char Tosi and… and.. and… all the people and mentors and authors along the way that helped me consciously chose what I wanted to spend my time and energy on. I chose this year to visualize the pieces of my life like marbles in a jar… hundreds and hundreds of marbles… I can grab a handful and stand in a space of wonder, amazement and gratitude for a new home, soft kittens, beautiful children, FABULOUS Hubby, great job, loving friends, empowered women mentors, and on and on and on… or I select the one marble that represents this specific situation and I can focus on that. I can let this one small marble of life – rule my life.
This year I worked through the challenge of focusing on the good in my life and keeping a deep betrayal and loss in perspective – so well indeed that it took me a bit to even think of it for this post. Some may say that’s just denial – believe me I have not stuffed it up in the recesses of my mind and forgotten it – hardly… I have safe spaces in my life to work on the grief and anger so that when I sit down to dinner with my family I can really hear about their days rather than sitting there not listening, not tasting the food, not being present because I am swirling around in my head, fighting with someone who is not even a part of life anymore.
I thank all the smaller similar challenges I have struggled through before, I feel blessed to have experienced them, they helped prepare to meet this challenge so gracefully. I thank this challenge for teaching me so much – for helping me understand staying present in moment at an even deeper level. I am still working with this particular challenge… I know I have more grief work to do… and I focus with gratitude on the people in my life who I know will help me do that. And I thank Gwen Bell for asking the question.